That Pit in Your Stomach? It's Not Just You

You know that pit in your stomach—the one that shows up after a conversation where you stood up for yourself, asked a valid question, or expressed a need

… and suddenly you’re the problem? That’s not a communication breakdown. That’s gaslighting.

Gaslighting Is Psychological Manipulation—Not a Misunderstanding

Gaslighting is when someone intentionally distorts your perception of reality to gain control. It’s not a tone issue. It’s not a poor choice of words. It’s a strategic attempt to make you question your experience, your emotions, and even your sanity.

Gaslighting is used to gain power, deflect accountability, and keep you doubting yourself. It keeps you dependent. And it often shows up in relationships where one person needs to maintain dominance, whether emotionally, psychologically, or socially.

What Gaslighting Sounds Like

You express a concern, and the response is:

“You’re imagining things.” “That never happened.” “You always make everything about you.” “You’re remembering it wrong.”

Over time, you stop trusting your instincts. You stop standing up for yourself. You start filtering reality through their reactions instead of your own knowing.

Why Smart, Self-Aware People Are Especially at Risk

Emotionally intelligent people are wired to reflect, take responsibility, and see others’ perspectives. These are strengths—but in the hands of a manipulator, they become weapons against you. The more insight you have, the more likely you are to internalize blame.

The Nervous System Doesn’t Lie

Even if you can’t quite articulate what’s wrong, your body knows. Your stomach tightens. Your chest contracts. You leave conversations feeling confused, ashamed, or like you just did something wrong, even when you didn’t.

That’s not oversensitivity. That’s your nervous system sounding the alarm.

Why We Don’t Recognize It Sooner

If you grew up in an environment where emotions were dismissed, reality was denied, or love had to be earned, gaslighting feels familiar. Not because it’s safe—but because it mirrors the survival strategies you had to adopt to belong.

You learned to abandon yourself to stay connected. So when someone rewrites your story or denies your truth, your first instinct is to believe them, not you.

Here’s the Truth You Need to Hear

Gaslighting isn’t a misunderstanding. It’s a manipulation tactic. And the fact that it works on you says nothing about your intelligence or strength. It means you were conditioned to prioritize other people’s realities over your own.

It’s not the narcissist’s fault we believe them. We don’t believe them because they’re persuasive—we believe them because we were primed to. If you were raised in an environment where love was conditional, where your feelings were minimized, or where you were rewarded for staying quiet and agreeable, you learned early that denying your truth was the price of connection. Narcissists don’t create this vulnerability—they exploit it.

Gaslighting works because it taps into our oldest emotional wiring. We were taught to override our intuition to keep the peace. We were praised for being the “good one,” the one who doesn’t make waves. So when someone questions our reality, we default to what kept us safe—self-blame, compliance, and performance. It’s not about weakness. It’s about survival.

But you can unlearn that.

You can learn to pause when something feels off. You can learn to trust your body over someone else’s version of events. You can learn to name what’s happening in real time.

And you can walk away. Not because you’re dramatic. But because you’re done being made small.

You don’t need permission to believe yourself. You don’t need validation to own your truth.

The truth isn’t in their reaction. It’s in your knowing.

Believe it.

Stand in it.

That’s where your power to become who you are meant to be begins.

Ready to take the next step?

▶ Read more articles and reflections at annedranitsaris.com/blog

▶ Follow on Instagram @annedranitsaris or LinkedIn for weekly insights

▶ Want to work through this in a deeper way? Email me at anned@annedranitsaris.com to explore coaching or workshops

You don’t have to keep shrinking to survive. Let’s get you back to your truth.