Brain Tip for Dealing with "Difficult People
When someone pushes back, disagrees, or surprises us with a response we didn’t expect, it’s easy to slap the “difficult” label on them. But if we’re honest, what we’re really saying is, “I’m having difficulty right now because I didn’t expect this response.” That’s our reaction to own. It doesn’t mean the other person is difficult; it means our brain was unprepared. In those moments, instead of labeling, pause and notice what’s happening. Shift from judgment to curiosity—ask yourself why their response threw you off and what you need to do to stay open. That simple ownership can change the tone of the entire interaction.
When someone disagrees with you, your brain can trigger a quick threat response—treating the other person like an obstacle rather than an ally. Before reacting, pause and take three slow breaths. This shifts activity from your emotional brain (amygdala) to your thinking brain (prefrontal cortex), giving you space to ask: “Are they really being difficult—or just different?” This small pause interrupts your automatic judgment and helps you respond with curiosity instead of defensiveness.
Brain Tip: The 90-Second Reset Before You React
The next time you feel yourself bracing because someone disagrees with you, try this simple practice. It interrupts the automatic “They’re so difficult” story your brain tells and gives you space to respond instead of react.
1. Notice the trigger
The moment you feel your shoulders tense or your inner narrator start muttering “here we go again,” say (silently), This is my brain’s threat response, not an actual danger. Naming what’s happening helps shift activity away from the amygdala (your emotional alarm system).
2. Breathe to slow the reaction
Take three slow, deliberate breaths. Inhale to a count of four, hold for one beat, exhale to a count of six. This simple rhythm tells your nervous system it’s safe to calm down. Even 30 seconds of this reduces the surge of defensive thoughts.
3. Reframe the meaning
Ask yourself:
“Are they really being difficult, or are they just not agreeing with me?”
“What might they see that I don’t?”
“Could this be an opportunity instead of a problem?”
This shifts processing to your prefrontal cortex—the rational part of the brain where creative solutions come from.
4. Respond with curiosity
Instead of shutting down or pushing back, try:
- “That’s an interesting perspective—can you tell me more?”
- “Help me understand how you see it.”
Curiosity breaks the tug-of-war and invites collaboration.
Practice this consistently, and over time, your brain learns that disagreement isn’t danger. It’s just difference.