Brain Tip For Dealing with Being Blamed for Other's Feelings

Don’t Absorb the Blame — Set a Boundary Without Escalating

When someone blames you for how they feel—saying things like, “You made me feel this way,” or “This is your fault”—it’s easy to feel cornered. Many of us are conditioned to respond by over-explaining, apologizing, or trying to fix their emotions. But here’s the truth: you are not responsible for someone else’s emotions, even if your actions triggered a reaction. You’re only responsible to the relationship—to be respectful, honest, and accountable for your own behavior.

Instead of internalizing the blame or becoming defensive, gently name the dynamic and redirect it toward constructive dialogue. You might say:

“I hear that you’re upset, and I want to understand what’s going on between us. But I also need to be clear that I’m not responsible for how you feel. I’m open to talking about what happened, but we each need to own our emotions.”

This response validates the emotional reality without accepting inappropriate responsibility. You’re not denying their feelings—you’re clarifying roles: they are in charge of how they process and express emotion; you are responsible for your own actions and reactions.

If the person accuses you of “not taking responsibility,” stay grounded. That accusation often arises when you disrupt a familiar pattern—especially in relationships with codependent or emotionally reactive dynamics. You can respond with calm firmness:

“I am taking responsibility for my part. I’m also asking you to take responsibility for yours. I’m not okay with being blamed for your emotional state, but I am here to talk about what we can do differently going forward.”

Remember, holding someone accountable doesn’t mean carrying their emotional weight. Setting this boundary may feel uncomfortable at first—especially if you’ve been the emotional container for others—but it’s a necessary step toward healthier, more respectful relationships built on mutual ownership and emotional maturity.