The Day I Realized Everyone Was “Difficult” (Except Me)

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​​The other day, I caught myself silently labeling someone “difficult.” Not because they yelled. Not because they refused to listen. But because they said something radical: “I don’t think that’s the best way to do it.”

That was it. No fireworks. No rebellion. Just an opinion that didn’t match mine. And in my head, they were instantly promoted to Chief of Difficult People.

This made me laugh later, because I’ve spent decades training and coaching leaders on how to handle so-called “difficult people.” I’ve built entire programs around navigating resistance, building emotional intelligence, and not taking things personally.

And yet—here I was, mentally firing someone because they didn’t follow my script.

A friend says, “Actually, I don’t feel like going out tonight,” and suddenly they’re so difficult. A colleague asks, “Could we try a different approach?” and you’d think they’d set fire to the building. Anyone who doesn’t read from our invisible script—where we say “let’s do this” and they say “yes, absolutely”—ends up in the Difficult column.

Somehow, “difficult” has become shorthand for “has an independent thought that I don’t like.”

When did “yes” become the only acceptable answer?

We talk a lot about valuing different perspectives, but the second someone has one, we act personally attacked. As if disagreement is a character flaw instead of… you know, a normal part of human interaction.

The irony? The so-called difficult people are often the same ones who save us from bad ideas, spot holes we missed, and make things better. But in the moment, all we see is that they’re not nodding enthusiastically.

I’ve decided to start catching myself in the act. When I feel the urge to mutter, “They’re so difficult,” I translate it: “They dared to have an opinion that wasn’t mine.”

It’s humbling. It’s also freeing.

Because here’s the truth: Half the people we call difficult aren’t trying to be. They’re just being human.

And if that still annoys me? Well, that probably makes me someone else’s difficult person.

Touché.